What NOT To Say While Talking Dirty August 6, 2018 – Posted in: Sex Advice

Believe it or not, you can do dirty talking all wrong. It’s got its rules, too, so you can’t just say whatever crosses your mind to your partner. In isolated cases, you might end up single. If you’re new to dirty talking and you’re wondering what you should never say while in the process, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s what you shouldn’t do while at it.

Do not:

Say sweet things

Dirty talking’s for those moments when you’re f*cking instead of “making love”. When the both of you devolve into being animals that are led by their sex drive. If you say sweet things, that’s not really dirty talking, is it? Keep the sweet words for when you make love, not when the entire block you live in can hear your bed bumping against the wall.

Just repeat what your partner says

Be original, for f*ck’s sake. If you find yourself uninspired at the moment, you can pick up the words of your partner and merely expand on them. But don’t repeat them all over again like a parrot. That’s a major turn-off. Come up with your own replies. If you’re doing it right, things will get even hotter.

Mention your ex

It’s hard to even imagine somebody could do this mistake. But it happens. Comparisons about the way your ex used to do you should be kept for yourself. Men are proud creatures and a good night’s sex could end up with a breakup. Talk about unexpected babies, the dangers of unprotected sex and other freaky things, but never about your ex, not even as a joke. You’ve never seen a penis go flask in an instant and you probably don’t want to, do you?

Go all Hentai-freaky

There’s a limit even to dirty talking, of course. There are things that are simply too strange to ever be told while having sex. “I want to tear all your openings” could be okay. “I wish I had a squid in here to fill up all your holes” – that’s a no-no. “I want to pin you down and f*ck you until next morning” – okay. “I want to strap you, gag you and invite some of my friends over to help” – Jesus Christ Almighty. NO!

Keep it simple and within the limits of reason, don’t make it look like you should be straight jacketed and lobotomised.

Final Remarks

Dirty talking is – or at least is supposed to be – easy and straightforward. You’re not reinventing the wheel. Keep it to-the-point and don’t create overly complex scenarios like “1000 years from now, I’ll still be in you”. Live in the moment and words will come up with a will of their own. Go too far and you’ll be in need of a cold shower. Stay on the safe side and never say those things we’ve outlined above. For the sake of good sex.

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