How To Have a Love life After Sex Work September 25, 2019 – Posted in: Adult Industry News, Escorts, People, Relationships – Tags: escort, escort in sydney, sex work, sex worker
As a student, I worked as an escort and a life model for artists. Sex work was something I’d always known I would do at some point. I’d worked in bars for years, I’d cleaned houses, sometimes up to 4 houses a day. I’d thought about prostitution since I went to Amsterdam as an 11 year old and through my child’s eyes, these women were glamorous and mysterious. As I got older I mentally toyed with the idea of working in the sex industry. My parents were nudists as I was growing up, so being naked around other people was something that was natural to me. I’d even do the housework nude most times, much to the amusement of my partners along the way.
Though life modelling is not sex work, I want to include this in my story as it was part of my progression into sex work, in as far as I was always very comfortable with my body and my sexuality. When I was studying at art college, we would have life drawing classes every week, and I loved the idea of posing for artists. I had a romantic notion of the artist’s muse. Especially after seeing the film about Norman Lindsay’s models, Sirens.
I worked in the local bar in the inner west suburb that I made home, and got to know many patrons, some of whom were artists. We used to joke about me modelling, and eventually I ended up in their studio, lying around on cushions. Basically, I was getting paid to sit around. I didn’t earn much, but it was a stepping stone to a decision I’d make down the track. My personal boundaries changed and I was perfectly happy being naked in front of people who appreciated my body aesthetically.
The Move to Sex Work
My reasons for choosing sex work were complicated, so I won’t go into details here. I had men leering at my boobs in the bars I worked in. To get tips I had to flirt like mad, even for the tiniest amounts. In the end, I walked out one night and never came back. I found myself needing cash fast. I was a student, studying 5 days a week, so could only work nights. There isn’t a lot you can do as a student to earn money and I was so over being poor.
I called up an ad in the local paper, looking for girls, with female management, and after chatting with the manager, Jerry (a lovely New Zealand born woman, who’d also worked in the past so understood), went in for a more specific chat. She was extremely sweet and asked if I wanted to try escort work for a night and see how I went. I won’t go into the first night because again, that’s it’s own story. She had many pearls of wisdom, one of which I live by today: “If it was easy, anyone could do it.” She said this when the girls complained about their clients or job in general.
Why I Left Sex Work
I found escort work extremely lucrative and was very busy I have regulars (thank god) who saved me most nights from having to do back to back bookings, but even so the work took an emotional toll on me. I’m a sensitive person, and as an escort I saw men with a wide range of reasons for seeing a sex worker. In many cases, they wanted someone to talk to, and I became a complete unqualified therapist. Once they’d cleared their head and their conscience, we’d usually get down to business. If I was lucky the booking would last most of the night, but sometimes bookings were only an hour, followed by another and another.
Competition with other women:
There was a lot of competition in the agency among the other working girls. I was lucky enough to be a favourite and was often bullied. I eventually stopped going into the agency, and worked from home, going to out calls from there. As a result, I made significantly more money that most of the girls. It wasn’t because I was more beautiful or sexy. I was a bit of a girl next door type and guys seemed to like my sense of humour, intelligence and kindness. Most men I saw wanted someone who was like a girlfriend.
Being the “girl friend” to multiple men:
The advantage of this was getting paid to go out to concerts, the opera or just to keep them company watching TV. I had a few guys fall in love, which could be tough because they’d spend every cent they had on seeing me. One even remortgaged his house to keep me. I actually felt guilty in cases like this. Another man took me to his 40th birthday dinner, introducing me to his parents and coworkers. Suffice to say, being educated was an advantage and some of the other girls resented it and made my life hell. One even told an obsessed client my real name and address.
I became exhausted with that conflict and the emotional strain. I was also finishing my studies, and needed to move on with my career in the arts. It was never going to be a permanent thing for me, I did it for the experience and the money. I have so much respect for the girls who can work for many, many years, but I wasn’t equipped physically or emotionally.
Life After Sex Work
It took me a while to shake off the feelings of guilt and shame around having worked. Re-entering “normal” life was strange. I felt like I had a huge secret that no one could find out or I would be shunned by the so-called respectable people. When I met guys, I would agonize about disclosing, because I was scared about their reaction. Most of my close friends knew, so that was fine, but telling a potential lover was tough. In most cases, men were totally fine, even thought it was kind of cool. The one reaction I didn’t count on was when I met the man who would be my husband. When I told him, he disappeared for 4 days, which was scary, as I was in love with him.
He came back and said it wasn’t a problem, but throughout the marriage, it was definitely a problem. I couldn’t mention it or he would get angry, so because something he would throw at me bitterly in fights. It didn’t help that the first social event we went to was at the house of an ex client, and I only realised when I walked in the front door. That was pretty awkward.
How and When Tell People I Have Worked As an Escort
This depends upon the person. You want to let them know as soon as you trust them. Hopefully they respect the knowledge and won’t share it with all their friends and family. You can’t leave it too long or they will freak out that you didn’t tell them sooner. It’s a careful balancing act and a big decision. I know many former escorts who never tell. Sex work was a formative part of my life experience. I feel it is an insight into me as a person. My parents know and respect my decision. I never told my in laws though.
I shared my story with my most recent partner and he was totally fine. He even asked me about it and doesn’t mind it when it comes up in conversation. Turned out his flatmate is an escort. He is a very broadminded man, and a much better match than my conservative ex-husband.
People I Don’t Share My Story With
I don’t share my story with workmates as I don’t want to complicate people’s perception of me. It’s important that my coworkers don’t just see me as a former escort.
The other person I haven’t shared my sex work history with is my daughter. It’s a tough decision, but at 18 she is not mature enough to understand my choices. Falling off the pedestal she has me on is not something I am ready for. I will tell her one day, but when she is much older with some life experience under her belt. My feeling is that while she is compassionate and empathetic towards other women who make the choice to work as an escort, the same standard will not apply to her mum. And I understand that. I also don’t tell people I have become friends with through my daughter, such as her friends’ parents.
If you have worked in sex work and are toying with telling people, just remember that it isn’t a conversation people forget easily. Once that cat is out of the bad, it’s out forever. And like disclosing anything intimate or personal, people can also use the knowledge for revenge if you have a falling out. My advice is to be cautious, but definitely tell any personal that you are planning on getting serious about, early on. You don’t want them to find out through someone else, and lose them because you weren’t honest. I’m happy to say that now I am in a wonderful relationship with a man who embraces my past. I told him up front, which was the best decision I could have made. The fact that I was so honest and upfront was the key.
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