How to Be There for a Partner That Has Been Raped September 3, 2018 – Posted in: Sex Advice
Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape.
Being raped has lifelong effects on people and can be so serious that they might not be able to be in a relationship for the rest of their life.
The people who are in a relationship with rape victims are extremely blessed – nobody ever trusts again after being raped. If the person you’re dating has a history of sexual abuse, you should know how to approach things so that your relationship is healthy and even more important – healing.
What You Should Do
Never Make It about Yourself
A rape survivor will talk about it when they feel like talking about it. If they don’t talk to you about it, it doesn’t mean they aqre mad at you or thinks that you’re too limited to understand. It’s nothing personal. There are things they have to sort out in their mind in order to come to terms with what happened.
Make Them Feel Safe
If you know what triggers their anxiety and bad memories, keep them away from that. It can be a situation, for example, in which they see something that reminds them of the rape. In that case, remove them from that environment and comfort them.
Stop Enforcing Sex
Rape is a traumatic experience that survivors need a lot of time to cope with. If they’re not ready to have sex with you, then don’t keep on asking for it every time you’re alone.
Never Make Them Feel Ashamed
If you do this, then pardon our French – you’re a complete and utter moron. You should leave the relationship if there is any part of you that thinks it was their fault for being raped. And, if the relationship is not going very well, don’t ever say things like “I feel that your rape changed things between us” or “I wonder how things would’ve been if you weren’t raped”.
Being raped isn’t a choice. You’ll never understand the amount of pain and trauma that a rape survivor experiences.
Look Toward the Future, Not the Past
This doesn’t mean that they have to just wipe off this memory, out of the blue. As a couple, you should be aware of what happened and not prevent that from allowing your relationship to bloom into something beautiful.
Be Careful How You Behave
In a normal relationship, surprising your partner with a hug or kiss from behind is romantic but if your partner was raped, that will NOT end well. Don’t do such things until she is fine with them and won’t suffer a panic attack each time you touch her unexpectedly. Always touch with consent, even for the smallest things.
Being in a relationship with a rape victim is no easy thing, but if you love them, you won’t do anything else but always be there for them for as long as it takes to heal better.
There are no guides on how to behave around a person that has been raped, but these tips will definitely help you out. And talking things over goes a long way, if they are ready to talk.