How to turn up the heat on a sexless marriage January 14, 2020 – Posted in: Relationships, Sex Advice, Sexuality – Tags: marriage, sex advice, sex in marriage

Let’s face it… marriage can be hard work. There will come a time in most marriages when it may even be considered a sexless marriage. Choosing to commit to one person for the rest of your life is a long time! We spend our whole lives changing, growing and learning. Doing that solo is tough, but doing it with someone else can be even trickier.

Often, a side effect of that growing process is a decrease in the amount that you and your partner have sex. This can be a normal part of being in a longterm relationship, but it doesn’t have to be!

Here are some tips to address and fix a sexless marriage

Communication in A Sexless Marriage

We can not stress the importance of communication enough… first and foremost. Without solid communication with your partner, no healthy changes can be made. Period. End of sentence.

If you’re not sure how to open up that type of communication or if one or both of you struggle with it, see a therapist who focuses on sexual health. There are many out there, and they can act as a middle person to help foster and grow good communication in your relationship. Even just setting time aside to talk about it shows your partner that you love and value them.

When having the conversation with your partner, make sure to be prepared to be as open and honest as possible. Share any barriers to having sex with them, and figure out what can be done to remove them. Be solution-oriented, and prepared to make necessary changes. And, most importantly, don’t get defensive. You are both doing this out of love and consideration for each other.

Schedule Sexy Time In A Sexless Marriage

While this may seem weird at first, scheduling intimate time with your partner can really help. This should include not only the actual time but also the details! Some sex therapists even suggest developing a “sex menu” that you and your partner can take terms choosing sexual acts from. This helps establish trust and the value of consent and compromise.

Address Sexual Dysfunction

Sometimes a sexless marriage is more than just a simple lack of time or desire. Sexual dysfunction can happen in both male and female-identifying people. Difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, lack of natural lubrication, and premature ejaculation are all very common medical issues that can be addressed by a doctor.

Discuss Your Fantasies

Boredom can creep into your sex life without you even recognizing it. One way to spice it up is by having a candid discussion with your partner about any fantasies either of you may have, no matter how taboo. By approaching it with an open mind, you can learn to trust each other even more while also stopping that sexless marriage in its tracks. Fantasies and fetishes shouldn’t be off-limits! On the flip side, if there are any that are absolutely off-limits for you, it is ok to say that they are non-negotiable.

While sexless marriages are common, they don’t have to be something you just learn to deal with. By creating open and honest communication about how you’re feeling, what you’re into, and what you can do about it together, as well as scheduling the time in advance, you can reignite that spark.