Gender Politics, Biology and Sexuality May 16, 2019 – Posted in: BDSM, Relationships, Sexuality – Tags: BDSM, gender, gender politics, sexuality

This is a massive subject and a blog post can only scratch the surface on this complex socio-sexual dynamic. We are in the grip of a fourth wave of feminism, which began in about 2012. Many early feminists are at war with current feminists, and in fact feminism itself for many people has become the F-word. Over the past few decades, many people feel, that masculinity has been diluted, and men don’t know how to be “men”. Gender politics is a raging online battle. As a society, the West is engaging in politically correct ideology which, in theory is positive. However there are many people against the dilution of gender structures and roles. It is not so much a battle of the sexes as a battle of ideologies. Men and women argue vehemently on both sides of the debate. Some people choose not to raise children as a particular gender, encouraging the child to find their own path. Again on paper this seems like a great ideology. The traditional gendered roles of families has changed. Same-sex marriage is now legal in many Western countries and people are for the most part, tolerant and inclusive. We allow people to specify their gender or lack thereof. But have we as a society missed something…biology?

Yes, it is extremely unpopular from a post-modernist perspective to take into account the biology of gender. Men are becoming women, women are becoming men. Apparently we are all the same, which is ideologically great. Each person has the right to live as they like and is accepted. Celebrities such as Caitlyn Jenner are made Vanity Fair’s Woman of The Year for bravery and fearlessness. Countries like Canada have mandated by law that you must legally use a person’s preferred pronoun. Yes baby, we have come a long way.

In reality, when it comes to sexual behaviour, are we damaging the next generation by enforcing a veil of political correctness and gender neutrality? Are our growing boys and girls confused about how to behave sexually?

With the proliferation of books and movies such as the spectacularly successful Fifty Shades series, which celebrates the dominance of the male protagonist and a submissive heroine. Although relatively tame, the fact that this theme was so popular in the mainstream, indicates a shift in what constitutes desire. The man is powerful, wealthy and in charge, whereas the woman is diminutive and relinquishes control over her life. Is this attitude in the bedroom indicative of gender politics gone too far? Do heterosexual women actually crave a strong, in-charge male in the bedroom? Do the majority of men long to take control with their female partner? If men are being repressed in relationships, are they looking elsewhere to satisfy these urges?

As a society we discourage boys engaging in traditionally “male” behaviour, instead encouraging sensitivity, gentleness and kindness. We encourage our girls to be fearless, fierce and assertive. The boys grow into caring and compassionate adults who ask for permission. This attitudinal shift is apparent across our society and for many it is definitely for the better. There are many psychologists however who see the downside of this shift. Many women complain that men are too “soft” when it comes to bedroom games. Many men are really confused as to how to behave in sexual relationships. They are polite and courteous when asking for consent. Many women find this unappealing. Outspoken femme fatales say they actually want the man to take the lead when it comes to sex. The anecdotal complaint is the males aren’t learning how to be “real men”. Academics such as Jordan B Peterson is speaking out against the removal of our societal structures, such as the dreaded patriarchy, as well as voicing concern against affirmative action. Videos are all over YouTube “owning” SJWs (social justice warriors) where young, angry women, calling themselves feminists are seen to yell over the top of people about being oppressed. What is apparent is that there is a lot of gender confusion and anger on both sides of the debate. To a vast number of women the word “feminist” has been hijacked.

So what does this mean for human sexuality? Heterosexual men and women are both bewildered when it comes to sex etiquette. Gender equality is one thing, but what drives a person sexually has nothing to do with politics or ideology. In general, sexuality is a primal part of the psyche that hasn’t really evolved much from the cave. Our biology hasn’t caught up to our ideology. Most men (anecdotally) still want to be in charge sexually with women, and women want a dominant male (generally speaking) in the sack. How do we reconcile the discord between day to day behaviour and sexual habits and preferences? Maybe it cannot be reconciled but we need to accept that what we want in bed is sometimes in stark contrast to the male female dynamic in the rest of our lives. It is way too complex to address here in one article and there are no right or wrong ideas, just a heated debate no matter which side you come from. The disparity is something to acknowledge and look into. As a society we chastise our boys for asserting dominance in the playground or acting aggressively. We are disappointed with our girls when they chose to walk around pushing a doll in a pram, instead of playing at being a judge or a neuro-scientist.

When it comes to sex, many men and women turn to easily accessible online porn, which is at odds with the political environment of removal of sexual stereotypes. Porn’s hyper-sexualised version of human sexuality teaches both men and women something very different to that which exists in real life with a partner. The type of porn men and women view is an indicator of the sexual landscape in society. A lack of equality is apparent, in most cases a dominant male and obedient woman, and viewed equally by men and women. The truth is men and women are differently biologically. Hormones, physiology, and brain develop differently in both sexes, which affects behaviour. This is apparent to any parent. In order to find balance in the fight for gender equality we need to acknowledge this and to look at what it means to be male and what it means to be female. Maybe then we can get back to shamelessly enjoying politically incorrect bedroom antics, regardless of how unevolved our deepest fantasies may be.