Ah, having sex in public. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it. Now, you’ve either done it yourself or have had the pleasure of seeing people in action. It’s an obvious turn-on; getting down and dirty somewhere semi-exposed gets your adrenaline going and your blood pumping. In addition to the physical pleasure, your mind is conscious of the possibility of getting caught or perhaps just being watched. Maybe you just don’t want to bring that person back to your house, and that’s fair. No judgement here. So where’s the best place to get it on? While you’re out and about, you may well be swept up in the moment and not give it too much thought. Having a list of potential nookie places in your back pocket will come in handy when the mood strikes. Trust us.
The Best Places to Try When You Have Sex in Public
- In the car. I know that the fogged up windows create quite an intimate environment, so much so that you might forget it’s technically really public. From the outside, everyone can see it shaking away as you’re going for gold. It’s not really covert unless you park in a very secluded spot where no one else is likely to drive by, or stop. Be wary of ‘private’ areas that seem perfect for car sex in case your presence attracts unwanted attention by mood-killing police officers. They’ll move you along. Protip for having sex in a car: put the handbrake on. Also, if you’re feeling adventurous, open the door and get some half in-half out action happening. The man can stand up facing into the car while the partner sits on a seat and gives head. Or he can bend his partner over the seat and thrust away.
- In a park. So, having sex in parks is a little risky depending on the time of day and the kind of park. Big parks with lots of trees are great for cover and park benches are also useful though they’re usually located underneath big lights. The problem with parks is the tendency for people to stroll through them. Depending on the time of day, you can pretty much guarantee that you won’t be interrupted. Protip for having sex in a park: stay away from children’s playgrounds in the day time. I feel like it didn’t need to be said, but you know. The consequences for being exposed somewhere kids could be are really not worth it. Also, be mindful of things like mosquitoes and ants that will bite you without warning. Don’t roll around in poisonous weeds and keep your shoes on.
- Public toilets. They’re a classic. The best public toilet hook ups happen in bigger places where it’s unlikely there will be people queued up waiting for you. They also tend to work well in places where the security, staff and patronage don’t really care. Concerts, bars, shopping centres. As long as no one sees you enter together (pun intended) it’s easy to pull off (okay that one was unintentional). Protip for having sex in a public toilet: don’t use the only disabled access dunny and be that guy who keeps someone in a wheelchair waiting. Believe me, it’s pretty hard to look them in the eye when you stumble out all jelly-legged.
- The movie theatre. There are a few schools of thought when it comes to movie theatre love-making. Some will tell you to go to some obscure movie at a really quiet time when it’ll be empty. Others won’t give you any tips because they don’t care and will go for it regardless of the other movie goers. But it is a movie theatre; sometimes the seats won’t have a movable armrest. The best way around it is to at least start off some foreplay there and get all worked up for the feature. Protip for having sex in a movie theatre: don’t do weird stuff during a kid’s movie. The best advice is find a drive-in and take the car, those places are pretty much made for fooling around while you pretend to watch a movie.
All in all, the best ways to have sex in public are to avoid situations in which you’ll come across as a pervert. There are still plenty of excellent places to hook up, but having sex in a church yard is one of those things you have to work up to. Don’t fly (or fuck) too close to the sun or you’ll burn your bits off. Also, if you’re using condoms, be the polite public fucker and discard your rubbish in the bin. Now let your inner exhibitionist run wild the next time you and your partner leave the house.