Do you ever have the need to have a quickie around midday or lunchtime while you’re at work? Then you may be considered a “nooner”. According to the Urban Dictionary, a nooner is a person who has sexual encounters at lunch, lunch break or around noon.
Being a nooner sounds like having the best past time during the day, especially when you’re stuck at your boring job, sneakily looking up porn in incognito mode and you just can’t help but want to get off on someone. And why not? Lunch break at work usually lasts half an hour to an hour, so why not put all that free time to good use? Instead of eating a sandwich, wouldn’t you rather get someone eat you out or vice versa? Sign Me Up!
Living a life of a nooner seems like the best solution for a steamy afternoon session but one must be extremely careful when one wants to take on the title. You might get caught, you never know. So you must plan everything ahead. Or you can even put together a step by step plan for you in case something arises unexpectedly (pun intended).
Tips on Being a Stealthy Nooner
First of all, you should always have the right location to do the deed. A prime location would be somewhere near your work place. Whether you hit up someone on Tinder for a quickie, schedule a private escort to visit you or you find the nearest brothel in the vicinity, the nearest and most discreet locations will always come a long way in getting away with being a nooner. If you’re too nervous to do it in the next door office building’s private toilet, book a hotel room between you and your sex partner’s locations. And if you live near your workplace, just do it at home. It’s always better to do it in the comfort of your own home.
Always be prepared; condoms, birth control, lube, dental dams, etc. You should always have the necessary protection with you, ready to go at any time. It’ll be disappointing if you planned everything out for an afternoon shag but realise you forgot any sort of protection by the time you’re both naked. Not cool.
Leave No Evidence
Wherever you end up having a quickie, you should always carry around a set of toiletries with you to freshen up afterward. You should never come back to work looking messy and smelling like sex. Carry some deodorant, mouthwash, hairbrush or comb and touch-ups so you remove any trace of evidence. Remember, you’re walking the path of a stealthy nooner, which brings us to the next tip.
No matter how great you feel after your shag, don’t brag about it to your buddy at work. Telling even your best friend at work may not be safe. Someone could overhear your conversation and tell HR, and that’ll barely have a happy ending. So don’t brag about it.
Don’t Be Late
Keep track of your time. Be extremely careful not to be late back to work. It’s not fun when your boss calls you up when you’re about to finish. Set a timer on your phone or watch with enough time to put yourself back together and back to work. If you think you might be late, tell your boss you’re going to the doctor or the bank and you might be a little bit late.
Snacks Are Your Friends
Since you’re using your lunch break for a sexual encounter, you won’t have time to actually have your lunch. So get yourself some snacks and keep them in your drawer at work. And just nibble on those during the rest of the work day and say you’re just hungry again after your lunch. No one will suspect you actually skipped lunch.
So these are the useful tips to get away with being a nooner. If you have different useful tips for the nooner, or you’ve done some nooning with success, tweet at us @BrothelsAU or comment below. We’d love to hear from you.