Embarrassing Sex Mishaps

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They’re the awkward, cringe-inducing moments that we can only look back and laugh on. And we do, because sex can be totally embarrassing in a plethora of ways.

If you like to cringe, or need a laugh, then here’s a short story that will do that… and it actually happened.

“Sarah” had been into this gorgeous guy since high school. They’d hang around at the pub every weekend with the same group of friends, but she’d always been too shy to approach him. He was that classical type of handsome, like a 1940s movie star. And all the girls frothed over him, so “Sarah” figured she didn’t have a chance anyway.

“Sarah” had had a slew of boyfriends, lovers and flings in her time, but this one guy, he was the great what if? She’d often daydream alone about him: he’d throw her down on a bed, hold her wrists against the mattress and she’s watch his broad, smooth chest loom over her.

After a lot of drinks with her girlfriends one Saturday night, “Sarah” finally built up the courage to talk with him. She thought she was charming and flirty, but the look on his face said otherwise. He simply replied with, “Excuse me”, took his beer, and went back to his friends.

“Sarah” felt the fool and remained dejected the rest of the night. When it was last call, she went outside, only to find him waiting by his car. He jounced the car-keys in his hand, and offered if she needed a ride. Hopeless, but appreciative, “Sarah” said yes. Inside the car, they got to talking. He’d told “Sarah” about how down on his luck he was with girls, to which “Sarah” said she couldn’t believe. He was shy, sullen, which only made him that much more sexy.

Eventually, they got to a look-out, and he reached over and made a move. “Sarah” was thrilled, obviously, and did her best to remain calm and centred. They wound up in the backseat, and “Sarah” climbed on top of his sturdy lap, and she went crazy. It was everything “Sarah” had hoped for; everything about his body was perfect, and she didn’t want it to end. He then started to moan, and she thought about twisting to bring him to climax. She did so… but his moans turned into groaning. Then, he started to wail, high and shrill, like a little girl.

“Sarah” then felt something crawly across the back of her leg. She flung herself off, turned the car’s roof light on. She glimpsed the sight of a redback spider run underneath the car seat. Then, she looked to him, to his lap, where blood gushed out from his balls. He was crying, whimpering.

All ended well… at least as well as it could have. S got him to the hospital. The following weekend, he was there, beer in hand. Only this time, he limped. He’d told the pub it was a footy accident, then glanced over at “Sarah” in an awkward manner.

Out of the kindness of her heart, she’d never told a soul… until now.

Charlie Hayley

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