Like nearly everyone, you’ve probably thought about how to have better sex. Now, no one is saying that you’re already making mistakes. In a perfect world, we’d all be great lovers with no need to change. Unfortunately, there are some really simple things that take us down a notch in the bedroom department. You may not even realise that you’re doing them! There’s no need to get self-conscious about your performance. Self-reflection can be difficult, sure. But if nothing else, identifying with any of the following points could kick your arse into gear and inspire you to be a more communicative and present lover. Things can only improve, right?
Have Better Sex by Avoiding the Following Things
Being Super Silent
Nothing is a bigger turn on than the sounds of wet body parts slapping up against each other. Of course this is best broken up by accidental queefs. Wait, did that scenario not translate well? No, because it’s not great to imagine, let alone experience firsthand. We’re not telling you to talk someone’s ear off or fake your enjoyment. Not everyone is a noisy masturbator, so it does make sense that you’d take that over to your sexual experience. Also, being silent means you won’t be communicating well to your lover. Let them know when they’re doing the right thing, either by using your words or smiling and groaning.
Porn can be a great way to learn new things and lift your game. It can be. It has the potential, but it often falls short of depicting realistic sex. When you’re watching porn, remember that most of the positions are a) done at angles that are better for the camera to capture penetration, and b) cut and edited. The second point is alluding to the fact that porn positions can’t be held for long periods of time by normal folk without causing your whole body to spasm in pain. Don’t try to shift and twist your partner like a pretzel because they do it in movies. They won’t be impressed! If there’s any porn you should watch, it’s anything with a genuine cunnilingus scene. And I mean genuine, bringing-her-to-orgasm and not just superficial licks while a porn star moans over-zealously. Again, oral sex in porn is also mostly positioned for the camera. Your face should be all up in there, nice and close.
So your girl is on top, awesome! Don’t just lie there, still as a statue. Use your hands to touch her body or even rub her clit – depending on how fast she’s riding you. Also, hold her hips in place while you thrust upward. It’ll show her that you’re still present even though you’re not on top sweating it out.
Not Returning the Favour
This one doesn’t apply if you know without a doubt that your partner doesn’t enjoy certain things being done to them. For example, not everyone likes blowjobs. While that’s their own decision, if they’ve never told you that they hate them, and they also give them to you with vigour – pay it back! Your first and even second times with someone don’t have to include every sex act under the sun. After a while, though, the lack of returned favours will be noticed. Trust me; if it hasn’t been mentioned, you’re not getting away without some silent judgement at least. And if you’re not giving back, what’s your reason? Short of a psychological issue, most things have a workaround.
There you have it. These are common mistakes, and they’re very forgivable. Sometimes it comes down to a lack of experience or comfortability with your partner, which you can only gain over time. Be patient and practice as much as you can, shedding any selfish mentality and images of porn star sex. You can have mind-blowing amazing sex, and it won’t look like it does on film, but that’s totally fine. In fact, it might even be better that way.